My beautiful angels, forever loved by us ♡
Today I share something very personal.
A story about loss that many women carry in silence.
For every parent who has lost a child, born or unborn.
For those who feel unseen, unheard or judged.
You are not alone.
This is for my Beautiful Angels I never got to hold.
When I was young, I had a dream.
I wanted to marry the love of my life, have seven children, and every few years live in a different country together. A big family, a life full of love and adventure.
But life had another plan.
The love of my life died in my arms.
In that moment my world broke.
Years later I met someone who wanted to be with me all the time, who gave me attention and made me feel safe. When I became pregnant, he wanted to marry me. I believed everything would work out.
But after eight weeks, I lost my first baby.
For years I heard that getting pregnant would probably always be difficult for me.
Life continued. Love came and went. Relationships began and ended. Sometimes hope returned, sometimes it broke again. Several times I became pregnant, and several times I lost the child growing inside me.
Each loss brought its own grief.
The fear of becoming pregnant again.
The first months full of tension.
The quiet hope.
And then the pain of losing what had already begun to live inside my heart.
Along with the grief came loneliness.
And questions that many women carry in silence.
Why couldn’t my body do this?
What had I done wrong?
Why was the dream of a large family not meant for me?
This kind of loss is rarely spoken about.
A person who loses a partner is called a widow.
A child who loses a parent is called an orphan.
But there is no word for a parent who loses a child before ever being able to hold them.
It remains a quiet grief.
Often hidden.
Sometimes judged.
Even when a pregnancy ends by choice, there can still be grief.
But that grief is often forgotten because people are busy forming their opinions instead of offering compassion.
Mother’s Day is never the same again.
Seeing pregnant women can bring complicated emotions.
Memories return in ways people around you may never notice.
It is still a part of you.
I chose to acknowledge every one of my children, even the ones who never took a breath in this world. They were real to me. They were part of my dream, my growth, my life.
Beautiful butterflies in heaven.
Tiny little ones, too fragile to stay.
Some people say, “don’t dwell, it was meant to be.”
Maybe it was.
But the love remains.
Away, but never forgotten.
Forever in my heart and mind.
Over time I searched for understanding in many ways, including spiritual sessions that helped me feel that they were together and at peace
Whether people believe in that or not, it brought me comfort.
Today I live with acceptance.
They are part of my story, part of my heart, part of the woman I became.
But life also gave me something incredibly precious.
I have a son here on earth.
My greatest gift.
With him I create memories in the present.
He is worth living for.
He is my heartbeat in this world.
And the others…
My beautiful angels I never got to hold.
They are still with me.
Just not here
♡T∞ts
